allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
