the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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