Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
