Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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