Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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