Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
