Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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