Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize