so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
