he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
