god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
