So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
