Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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