The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
