Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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