I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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