I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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