Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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