I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
