no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
