It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
