That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish you could order shots online.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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