Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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