How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize