i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
