I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You made out with two different species that night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize