He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so let's talk penis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
