I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
