Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
