So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was confusing and full of hummus
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
