i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
