covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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