im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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