im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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