how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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