The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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