Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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