the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
