i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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