SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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