Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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