Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
