Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
