i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
