peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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