found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
