just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
