I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
