just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
