Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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