i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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