i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You have to summon your inner elephant
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
