I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
