My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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