I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
