it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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