Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Jerry, you need to find god
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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