thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
