then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
