We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
