Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
