i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
