I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
