I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
