i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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