I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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