peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
