If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
